41 lessons

Today is my 41st birthday. It sort of snuck up on me- I knew it was coming, but didn't really think about it until the last few days. This morning my daughters gave me beautiful flowers and a beautiful card, and it was lovely. Birthdays really aren't a big deal to me, and never have been. I guess as I get older they will become even less so!
My post today is a list of things I have learned in my 41 years. 41 things for 41 years!

1.  Cats make good pets. They are cuddly and soft and purr. But you can go away for the weekend and leave them to their own devices.
2.  Children are the best reason in the world to be a better person.
3.  Curling up with a good book is absolutely one of my favorite things to do. And I never get to do enough of it.
4.  Your happiness is your own to create. No one elses.
5.  Take responsibility for your own faults.
6.  Sometimes you need to watch a sad movie and have a good, sobbing cry. When no one is around.
7.  Your true friends are sisters of your heart. Blood relation doesn't make you family, love does.
8.  Life is a precious priviledge.
9.  Grief and mourning don't necessarily only come when someone dies.
10.  Loving your job is the only way to stand having to work for a living.
11.  Sinking your toes into warm sand and watching waves crash is the ultimate anti-depressant.
12.  Its possible to love more than one person.
13.  The sun shining outside makes me shine inside.
14.  I want a puppy. I know they are impractical, and messy, and so much work, but I have dreams about puppy kisses and cuddles. Someday soon.
15.  Everyone pisses you off sometimes. No matter who they are.
16.  There are some people in the world who do not have good, or light in them, no matter how hard you look.
17.  Having to work out and watch what I eat all the time now sucks ass.
18.  Shannon and I have the world all figured out. Too bad we aren't running the show.
19.  Having the summer off rocks...and is worth the sacrifice.
20.  Truth is simple. Don't lie.
21.  I can forgive almost anything of anyone. But I never forget. And a little part of how I feel about you dies when you do something that needs forgiveness.
22.  I don't believe in marriage.
23.  I still don't know what I believe as far as "god" or spirituality goes.
24.  I still have a tiny voice inside me that sometimes tells me I'm not good enough to try whatever it is that I am thinking about trying.
25.  My children truly are my heart outside my body. I had no concept of what real love was until I had them.
26.  I'm a realist. I used to be a romantic, but I got over it.
27.  I think the "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy is kinda poorly written and not nearly as interesting as I thought it was gonna be. And yet....I'm still reading.
28.  I love chai tea. And ceasars.
29.  People let you down, even if not intentionally. Rely only on yourself.
30.  Death comes for us all. Smart, brilliant, funny, kind, loving, wonderful. Doesn't matter. It still comes.
31.  I don't regret any choices I have made. Even the bad ones.
32.  Housework never ends. Ever.
33. Nothing is quite as wonderful as a snuggly, sleeping child in my arms.
34.  I need to start thinking about retirement.
35.  Change is hard. But usually good.
36.  Acting goofy with my kids is fun. And liberating.
37.  Once you have kids, time seems to be on fast forward.
38.   Ignoring the facts doesn't change them.
39.  Trust your intuition. Mine doesn't lead me astray.
40.  Being true to yourself sometimes means being selfish. But we only get one shot at this, so be true.
41.  I am lucky. To have the love, family, friends, life I have.

The 80's

The weekend workshop I went to was an "80's" weekend. Gotta say, it was awesome! The music of the 80's was the shit. Really. Ok, the fashion statements we made then were questionable (although other than shoulder pads, the eighties is back in all the clothing stores.) But the music? Legendary.

And if you think about it, it was a really defining decade. The last defining decade! We had fashion, we had music, we had breakdancing, we had shoulder pads. What about the 90s? Or the 2000? Not much definition going on for the last 20 years.

Now I was a teenager for the late 80's, so I was in the thick of it. Footloose, Def Leppard, Pop Goes the World. Saturday morning cartoons. Sweet Dreams. Journey. The list goes on. My daughters are being introduced to a bunch of this music through `Glee``- which is fine by me- I think it is great that they get to experience it, even in Glee form. (and to be honest, I love Glee. Kinda a throwback to my 80`s love affair with the show `Fame``)

My eight year old`s favorite song is ``Jessies Girl`` by Rick Springfield. I`m pretty sure it was his only big hit, and the only time I have seen him since is to play a messed up version of himself on Californication. But the song stands the test of time.  The 80`s were totally awesome dude.

Sports/ Stage Moms and why I hate them.

This weekend I went away for the weekend for my children to participate in a gymnastics performance demo. Just a demo, they are recreational athletes and non-competitive. They are both enormously talented little girls (if I do say so myself), but the commitment for competitive gymnastics was just too much for all of us, so we went with the performance group. They rehearse for a couple hours a week, perform approximately once a month, and they LOVE it. They love their coaches, and have come a long way flexibility and body control wise in the last 9 months, I am super pleased.

Watching the performers I realized I am so not a stage mom. I loved watching my little monkeys perform, but I enjoyed watching everyone else as well. Listening to some comments around me made me want to vomit. Complaints about costumes, and kids, and music chosen, and the fact that some of the gymnasts performing were from competitive teams. Most of our junior team stayed at a different hotel than the senior team because the "stage mom" who was organizing it had her nose out of joint because so many parents didn't choose her hotel (which btw was a 30 minute drive from the venue- the hotel we stayed at was a 10 minute walk.) I have one kid on the junior team, and one on the senior. There are a couple parents on the junior team that just.....bother me.

You know the type- bossy and opinionated/ their kid was on this team last year so they know more than anyone, including the coaches/ overweight and dressed like they are 17 - lululemon yoga pants and hoodies/ loud and obnoxious at team meetings. Generally fucking annoying.

They are the "Toddlers & Tiaras" moms, the "Dance Moms" moms. The ones who can't get off their ass to get a life of their own, so they live through their children. I have watched those 2 shows once each time...and the mothers are a train wreck. Certainly the moms I see at gymnastics aren't quite as bad, but they are still.....sad.

I watch my children and am bursting with pride. Even if they trip, or forget a step, or mess up the dance, I still think they are great. I ALSO watched 24 other groups perform and clapped and cheered for each and every one. They all worked hard, they all did wonderfully, and they are CHILDREN. They don't have to make it perfect. And if you don't like their costumes, or their music, or their routine...that is not their problem, it's yours stage mom. (insert hockey mom, soccer mom etc in there- they are just as annoying, if not more.)

So for all those stage moms, bitching that your kid doesn't get enough time to showcase their individual talents, or all those sports moms screaming in the stands for their kid to knock the shit out of another team,  or screaming at the referees etc.....my advice is to get a life. Seriously.

Taking Care with your Children

We have a news story here today about a little toddler clinging to life after being taken to the hospital from her dayhome. There are no reports yet as to what happened or who (if anyone) is responsible, or if it was just a terrible accident.

Let me tell you what I think. I have a former sister in law who runs a dayhome. When I heard this story on the news, I watched closely for the area it happened in, because I instantly thought it might be her. (it wasn't.) She is an awful person- I have seen her be abusive with my nephew, and I have seen her be abusive with the children in her care. She is a heavy smoker, and locks the kids in the basement while she goes out to the garage to smoke. Those children are in danger----I wouldn't let this woman look after a pet fish, let alone a child. She is mean as a junkyard dog. Her new boyfriend has dragged her young son up a flight of stairs because he wasn't listening...and she not only allowed it, she was the instigator.

She is also manipulative and a liar. She struggles to keep kids in her dayhome....the reason being is because she only takes young children- as soon as they get old enough to tell their parents what is going on there, they usually get pulled out of her dayhome. She has had social services called on her five different times in the last two years. Are any of the parents whose children she looks after made aware of this? No. Unless there are physical marks on the children- it is almost impossible to prove anything. So NOTHING is done. All the children in her care are accidents waiting to happen. I have suggested to her that exactly this could happen- she is outside having a cigarette, and a child falls down the stairs, or gets into something...by the time she returns, it's too late.

Is that what happened in this case? I have no idea. What I do know is that if you are planning on leaving your child with someone- research, research, research. Ask them if they have ever been investigated. Ask to see their child welfare check papers, and their police security check. Drop in unannounced during the day. LISTEN to what your child is saying. And keep checking. Don't assume that the first couple of weeks are indicative of what is happening on a day to day basis.

Protect them. They need you to be willing to ask hard questions and demand answers. To be their champions and to move heaven and earth to make sure they are safe. If someone dared to hurt my babies, I would do whatever it took. The person caring for your child will never love them and cuddle them the way you do, and that shouldn't be your expectation. You should however, be confident that your child is safe, and well-cared for, and having a good, healthy experience during their time away from you. If you are not 110% sure that is the case...then listen to what your intuition is telling you.

Protect your babies.

Good to Great

"Redefine your self-concept by challenging everything that you've held to be true about yourself until now. Be open to examining everything you've previously thought limited you in any way. Affirm: I place no limits and no restrictions on all that I intend to accomplish and become from here on in." Wayne Dyer.

Love this quote. Hoping it will inspire me.

Life Changes

Yesterday I attended a wake for a friend whom I have known since high school. He was 41 years old, and had a heart attack in his sleep, leaving behind two young children and countless people to mourn the loss of him. He was a great man, kind, loving, generous in spirit. He touched many peoples lives, and he was a special guy. I truly believe the world is a little less bright without him in it, and when I think too long about it, it makes me cry again.
This past year has been a bitch. There have been tons of lovely things, and beautiful moments, and joy...but within that there has been so much sadness. I know we cannot expect things to be all wonderful all the time...but it would be nice.My dad had his stroke. A boy I used to love died last summer. A month ago I attended another funeral for another old school friend, and here we are again. I'm too young to be attending funerals for people I grew up with. My mom is struggling with her new life, my brother left his awful wife, but is dealing with the constant fallout. Sigh.

I am an optimist, for the most part. Sometimes annoyingly so, as my bff likes to tell me with a smile. I am tired of having sad days, and being tired, and stressed and full of anxiety. I need to make some changes in my life. I'm just not yet 100% sure what those all are. I need to find the strength to say no sometimes to the people who ask things of me. I need to really, REALLY start putting what is best for me and my little family first. I need to simplify, and focus on what is truly important, instead of all the little things. If you have any ideas how I can make all that happen...let me know.

Being Accountable...to myself.

alright- I have about 3 months until my 41st birthday. I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do in my 40th year...I need to do a check and see what still needs to be done. Here is the original list:

1. Learn to speak Spanish- ok, I am going to order Rosetta Stone this weekend, for sure! I want to be done this by my birthday.

2. Run a 10 K- did it in September, despite being terrified that I was going to fail. Now I kinda like running.

3. Pay off my debts- this is a work in progress...winning some money would be very helpful right about now.  

4. Read 12 books- not self-improvement books, 12 trashy, fun books- done! I read way too many documentary, non-fiction, textbook style books. But this year I did read a bunch of just for fun books, including the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series. Right now I am reading another non-fiction, textbook style book, but after that? The Hunger Games

5. Get a tattoo- done! I want to get another one already.

6. Go rock climbing (I'm terrifed of heights)- have not done this one yet. They have a climbing wall at our local gym...I will look into it.

7. Go skiing (Haven't gone in about 15 years, little intimidated)- did this in January, loved it!

8. Take a creative writing class- did this in the fall, it was fun!

9. Create a will (this is a big, important one!)- can't believe I haven't done this yet...I am going to put it at the top of my to-do list.

10. Take an acting class- harder to find now than I thought...and I have kind of lost interest. So maybe scratch this.

11. Learn to surf- won't be doing this this year, but we are looking at (hopefully!) a holiday in Hawaii next year and I will take lessons then.

12. change my internet plan (I know, lame, but necessary)- done- they all suck, but at least now our internet is a regular price each month.

13. Take a Bollywood Dance class- done- way, way too fun!

14. Start a blog - i started two blogs! One for work, and one (this one, obviously) for me.

15. Take an art class- hmmm. I will look into this. My daughter wants to be an artist, it would be fun to take something together. -

16. Get a piercing- I want to do this. My nose I think. Just something little. Soon.

17. Learn to meditate- ok, I'm looking into this right now. I could use some relaxation in my life.

18. Do a 30 day yoga challenge- there is no way I can do this at a yoga studio- I don't have that kind of time. So I will commit to doing it at home- say 20 minutes a day for 30 days?

19. Learn how to shoot a gun (why? why not?)- hmmm. Still no ideas on this one.

20. Go snowshoeing- I am actually doing this for the first time this coming weekend. Looking forward to it!

21. Learn to play the guitar (at least 1 song)- not yet. We have 2 guitars, so I really have no excuse.

22. Go horseback riding (its been years)- went with one of my best girl friends the week before work started, after dropping my kids off at school- it felt very decadent to be out horseback riding on a Thursday morning. It was wonderful!

23. A Burlesque dance class- did with a group of girlfriends....so fun!

24. Travel alone-haven't done this yet- I usually travel with my hlp or my partner. I am going to make a point of taking a weekend away with just me. Even if it is just to a few miles away.

25. Go ziplining- I've done it. I might see if I can get in another time, just to say I did it twice. :)

26. Try taekwondo, MMA, something along those lines- MMA- just have to convince my gfs to do it with me.

27. Spend a ridiculous amount of money on something frivolous- man, I am cheap. I was thinking maybe a  LV purse or something, but I just don't like them enough. Frivolous is ok, as long as I will actually appreciate it. Maybe for my 41st birthday I will add to my Tiffany collection. We will see.

28. Spend a day serving food at the local soup kitchen- haven't done this yet either, I will look into it.

29. Bellydancing- haven't gotten to this yet.

30. Explore my spiritual beliefs - this is a work in progress.

31. Look into laser eye surgery. (scary, but it would be nice to not have to wear contacts or glasses)

32. Get another tattoo (yes, I know this is already on here...I did mean ANOTHER)- see? I didn't even remember this was here, but it was. So now I am committed. I just need to decide what I am getting and where.

33. Grow my hair out . - ya, I tried this, and it was making me crazy. So I cut it all off...now I am growing it out again.

Ok, lots still to do obviously. Lets get cracking!